By Rosana Braga

If you ask a few people, who don’t know you well, to define your way of being, based just on your appearance, will their definition match what you really are? I mean, at work, on the streets, at those places where you usually go to have fun and meet people (eventually even future partners), can people tell who you really are: your ways, temper, personality, etc.

I think this issue is of great importance, because the more different people’s impressions are from what you really are inside (your thoughts, desires, beliefs and values), the more difficult your conquests are going to be.

I’m obviously not talking about people whose objectives are based on lies and sabotage. I’m talking about honest, transparent people that look for their real ways. So, once what you seem to be different from that what you really are, it brings about internal conflicts and cruel doubts.

One of the most common issues is probably the following: “Why do people treat me as if I were able to take so many responsibilities? I’m also a sensitive person, and need help, support, understanding, TLC…” And the answer would be: certainly, because you give the impression of being a person so strong, that never needs help!

Another issue: “Why do men treat me as if I didn’t want anything serious, as if I were so independent that didn’t need affection, companionship, romance, or stable relationships? I want to meet someone who treats me as a princess…” And the answer would be: because you, probably, give the impression that whether you have someone or not makes no difference to you, that you are self-sufficient, and are doing very well this way!

Summarizing: if what we seem to be does not match what we really are, it is because we create “masks.” And masks are nothing but defenses. We defend ourselves against the possibility of suffering, of getting hurt, of giving ourselves to someone and not receiving reciprocal act. Finally, we create masks anytime that, consciously or not, we feel threatened by someone or by a feeling that we can’t cope with. And we not always realize that we are wearing them.

My suggestion is that you start showing your essence. That is, try to match your appearance with what you have in your soul, mind, and heart in order to attract what you want, much more easily. Remember that the more differences there are between your inner world and the impression you give people, the less the chances are they treat you the way you really want to be treated. Being sensitive and transparent is not a sign of weakness. On the opposite: it’s a sign of emotional intelligence and it enables great conquests!

* Rosana Braga is a journalist, writer and she lives in São Paulo, Brazil. To know more about Rosana, check her official

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